• Sunday, Jan 23:
— Youth Sunday School (9:30 AM, Fellowship Hall): Breakfast and lunch service
— Sunday REFRESH! (9:45, Conference Room): “Non-verbal Trust Building.”
— English Worship (11:00 AM, Second Floor). Tim Tseng speaks on “The Great Light” (Isa 9:1-4; Matthew 4:12-23)
— Prayer Fellowship (1:30 PM, Main Lobby).
— No Agape Fellowship
Jan 21, 2011
Dear Canaan EMers,
After reading Amy Chua’s article, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior” in the Wall Street Journal (which was an excerpt from her just published book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother), I’m inspired to be a Tiger Pastor. So here are the new rules:
• Youth can no longer have sleepovers and lock-
• Youth fellowship will be converted into intensive SAT prep classes a month before an SAT test
• All church retreats will now be called boot camps
• No food or snacks allowed in any fellowship meetings
• All fellowship meetings will only consist of bible study and prayer meetings
• Everyone must attend prayer meeting seven nights a week
• No one is allowed to bring cell phones, iPads, or electronic games to church, ever
• Only the piano or violin will be allowed to be played during worship
• The worship team must practice for four hours before worship service
• All Sunday school classes will be conducted in lecture format (even for preschoolers)
• Everyone will be tested on the weekly lectionary readings
• We will form a “Dress Code Committee”
I expect you to follow these new rules. No questions allowed. It doesn’t matter what you think because I know what’s best for you. After all one can’t spell disciple without discipline!
Now for some announcements:
1. Sunday REFRESH! (9:45 AM, Conference Room): Instead of “Building Trust,” we will introduce a new topic. “Building unquestioning obedience.”
2. “Sticky Faith” that Lasts after Graduation workshop (Sun 1/30, 2-4 PM at Saratoga Federated Church): All parents must attend (new rules, remember)! Register by 1/25 with Shirley Tai or youth director Jeremy Lee in the Fellowship Hall (or pay $10 at the door) for Fuller Youth Institute’s “Sticky Faith” workshop. Childcare free (we should change this), but need advance reservation. Carpool with Shirley from Canaan at 1:30.
3. Canaan Welcome Party (Sat, Feb 5, evening): Cancel all your plans. Take a sick day if you have to work. I’ll try to cancel the dinner so we can have a real program. All guests must attend!
4. Canaan EM Red Carpet Gala (Fri, Mar. 11): Please note that we changed the date. The new theme will be “an evening to memorize the biblical genealogies in Genesis and the Levitical laws (part 1)” because a gala is simply too much fun. Contact Chris Su.
I’m ready to reconnect with my cultural roots. I’m channeling my inner Tiger! Thank you Professor Amy Chua!
In Christ (and you better be, too),
P.S. for those who are taking me seriously, think “tongue-in-cheek.”